I woke up feeling strong on Christmas morning. I had spent Christmas Eve surrounded by my family while we drank wine, wrapped gifts and caught up with each other’s busy lives. Christmas Day started off great, I woke up to an unexpected surprise from good friends and thereafter many other wonderful Christmas memories. I also received an unexpected text, the polite “Merry Christmas” text from him. I had sworn to myself that I was NOT going to text him. I thought that I should even though we weren’t really speaking, I was going to be the first because I never thought that he would be the one to text me first. That’s the problem with breakups, you obsess over the little, insignificant details or actions and tend to mistake them for having meant something more. I wanted nothing more than to believe that his text indicated that deep down inside that he missed me. Or maybe he just felt guilty… who knows.
The holidays are all about spending time with the ones you love. You want to be around the people you love and care for the most, which makes a recent break up during Christmas even harder. Because you can’t be around the person that you still love the most in this world. It makes that bitter pill even harder to swallow.
It’s probably best not to divulge in too much alcohol. At least for me it was, too much alcohol didn’t alleviate my pain here lately. Actually, it typically made me feel much worse. So I stuck to a limit of a couple mimosas and a glass or two of wine. My appetite still hasn’t returned, just like the pain it comes in waves and so I ate what I could but didn’t force myself.
If your family is anything like mine, then being around them is both a gift and a curse. It’s nice being around people that love you, a big group of silly kids that don’t even know what you are going through, but it’s also a reminder of what you had and lost. I look at my cousins with their husbands and wives and beautiful kids and think to myself “why can’t that be me?”
It’s over. Christmas is over for another year and I can say that I survived it but towards the end of the day, I wasn’t left with any more distractions. So I had to take a Xanax. I mistakenly started reading old text messages from September. I started to cry while sitting in my grandmother’s recliner, only to realize this is where I had sat on his lap and took a mini nap after having one too many glasses of wine at Thanksgiving. This was the last time we had a good night together, no fighting, just enjoying each other’s company. He held me tightly all night long. Realizing that it’s been almost a month baffles me. I don’t understand how I lost it all in only a month’s time. As much as I want to look forward to everything that 2015 has to offer, my heart still feels unglued and I constantly feel like I am unraveling as a person. It’s a very unsettling feeling.
What are your tips to surviving the holidays after a break up? Is there anything in particular that helped you? Or like me, is this just a pain that you’ve come to learn how to live with…