So there is a season that starts on the brink of Turkey Day and right before NYE it’s in FULL swing. Have you noticed on your Facebook page that there has been like 6-7 couples recently engaged? Yep, it’s the single gals worst nightmare. And if you were recently broken up with then it’s just like pouring pounds of salt in the open wounds. Don’t mistake this as bitterness… Ok never mind, maybe I am admittedly being a little bitter. But if you were in my shoes, then you too would be just a little bitter about it too.
Don’t get me wrong, the friends that I see that are recently engaged it doesn’t make me any less happy for them. Honestly, my best friend got engaged at the very start of engagement season even though I’ve known for months now that it was coming eventually. Even the engagements that I didn’t see coming – I swear I am happy for them even though the fact that there are so many friends engaged this year that I am hoping some of them wait until 2016 or 2017 to actually tie the knot considering how expensive wedding presents, showers and bachelorette parties can be. Regardless, I am not trying to take away from their happiness. When you find that special person this is naturally what you do, you make that platinum sparkly commitment and start budgeting for the biggest party of your life.
My bitterness comes from the fact that — DIDN’T I ALMOST HAVE IT ALL? Or so I thought. That’s the reminder that all of these engagement announcements is giving me, it’s making me think that oh em gee girl fran, just a month ago you were writing down your wedding party on post-it notes and trying to decide what Vitamin String Quartet cover we would walk down the aisle to… Yes, that’s how invested I was in my last relationship, that’s the kind of future that I saw with this man. What makes me feel foolish is the fact that I would not try to hide the fact that this is how serious I was or how in love I was. I would openly confess to him that I would spend hours at work when I should’ve been working, planning our future wedding on freaking neon colored post-it notes. I know that reading that aloud now sounds a tensy bit crazy but he didn’t run away, he would laugh at me but not in a mean condescending way but in a way because he thought it was cute. He used to love how in love with him I was and then one day he woke up a completely different person and I am pretty sure that new person would freak the fuck out and sprint away from me. Not that he hasn’t already done that, he’s cut me out of his heart, his head… his life.
I really admire the outspoken single girls publishing articles on Cosmo and Elle that speak out about the FB/Instragram obsession people have with engagement announcements. I know that it’s customary now in this generation that anything that is huge in our life gets posted on FB — as long as it’s happy and if it’s not happy then we are always super freaking vague about it. I know that I am just as guilty about my own FB postings, recently I’ve decided to embrace my heartbreak and publicize it on my postings because frankly it’s just a part of who I am right now. No I don’t have any desire to look for someone new, get on a online dating website, get hooked up with your friend’s friend’s cousin or makeout with the hottest guy at the bar on a random Thursday night — I’m pretty sure I am still in denial about the situation as a whole and according the 5 Stages of Grief, well… denial is the first one named so I guess I have a long way to go before I can go out on a double date with you and your wonderful husband. (Sorry, bitterness again… can’t help it)
What bothers me most is the fact that I am so bothered by the idea of being the “last single girl” well amongst my closest friends at least. Every girl knows this feeling, this dreaded feeling while being single or ending a relationship while the majority of her friends are either already married and on baby #2 or at the least in a serious relationship that eventually will lead to marriage. I can’t tell if this is the aftermath of the bad break up that is making me feel this way because I miss him or it’s the fact that I am constantly comparing my life to the lives of my friends. I understand that everyone has a different path in life to take and some find marriage and kids and others find their dream jobs but I used to be so focused on finding my dream job and granted I still am on that path and motivated and excited about that path… but it was much easier when I thought I had found my other half.
Coming up later this week.. surviving NYE after a break up! Because besides Valentine’s Day it’s literally the most coupely holiday of the year. oh joy. (again, excuse the bitterness)